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Conscious of Environmental Mysteries

] “The population of starlings is decreasing and nobody can tell you where they’re going. It’s worrying isn’t it? All these birds just going missing.”  

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Deep Thinker

  “If my uncle was still alive, he’d be over 100.”

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Willingness to Compromise

“I like their sandwiches! They always give you a stomach ache but they’re nice.”

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Family Oriented

“I want all my kids DNAed, just for the hell of it.”

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Objective Thinker

“Childbirth’s a breeze; you want to try a nail in the foot. That hurts.”

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Observer of Natural Phenomena

“Two of the best bums in the company.”

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Thrifty

“It was my wife’s shuttlecock before I even met her, and we’ve been married 25 years.”

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Awareness of Social Reputation

“They call me the elephant man for a different reason.”

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Confident and Outgoing

“I came across an alligator once when golfing in Florida. I reckon with a pitching wedge I could have done him.”

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Modestly Knowledgeable

“You don’t need f****** Google when you’ve got me.”

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Puns and Wordplay

“If I see a street sign for ‘Cock Lane’, I’d go under it in black felt tip and write ‘leading to Minge Avenue’.”

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Post-Modern Conservationist

“The pollution was brilliant.”

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Unbiased Empathy

“I’ve never ever felt sorry for Scousers.”

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Creator of Post-Modern Dinner Etiquette

“Slow down; slow down; stop picking your nose; wipe your mouth…”

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People Person

“To be fair, he’s done nothing for me. Complete tosser.”

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World Wisdom

“I’m 13 years old having a glass of coke and there’s a woman kicking her knickers at me.”

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Financial Strategist

“Sell eggs; that’s what my uncle always said: sell eggs. He was a nutter though.”

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Character Evaluation Expertise

“I feel like she’s got something permanently stuck up her backside.”

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Courage of Convictions

“It reminds me of violence – I really like it.”

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Keen Linguist

“I can hear you loud and clear, but it’s all coming through a bit gobbledygook”

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